Friday, July 16, 2010

I'm no longer "enough"

Last night sometime in the 9 o'clock hour I nursed my baby girl for one of the last times. No, she's not going to formula or moving on to solids completely, but the transition has begun. It was emotional for me. I didn't cry, I didn't even get choked up, but I was really sad for the months we were about to leave behind and almost a little sad for what is to come. Of course its natural, normal even for her to be wanting more than just breast milk (or the occasional bottle of formula, boooo) because she's getting bigger and her appetite is increasing. But its hard to accept because until now I've been enough for her. A year ago at this time I was carrying her in my body and the things I ate and drank were enough for her. Then she was born and I nursed her and that was enough. Why do they have to grow up so fast? This is a question I'm going to be asking myself for many years to come, I know. I just didn't think I'd be asking it so soon about my little girl.

So last night, after I nursed her and cuddled with her, I introduced just a tablespoon of rice cereal in a bottle of formula. It was relatively anticlimactic as far as Z was concerned. She took the bottle with ease, with little reaction to the new, 6-month-plus nipples we were trying out and the mixture that was flowing through it. Oh, and I need to jump back a thought and write about how she cuddled with me after I nursed her, a rarity these days. There we were in the dark of the living room with only the light from outdoors and the kitchen offering us a peek at each other's faces. She laid on my left shoulder so still, so sweet and my heart melted a little. I think she knew that I needed her close in that moment. She made the occasional quiet coo, wiggled from time to time, but really just settled in and started to drift off to sleep. I was able to make it to our bedroom to continue the cuddling until Blinn joined us to read her a bedtime story. Papa, Papa was the pick of the night and she nuzzled in between he and I as we were propped up on our bed together.

After lots of research and some input from fellow moms, Earth's Best Organic Whole Grain Rice Cereal is what I chose and I feel good about my decision. As has become the case with this mothering thing, I sort of obsessed over the perfect first foods for my girl. And I mean, why shouldn't I and all other parents obsess over such a thing? It is, after all, my child's introduction to something other than a liquid and something that will have new nutritional value for her life. On the box it says "All babies begin life 100% pure... feed them accordingly." I don't think I could've worded it better myself. Tonight we'll start on Z's first whole food: avocados! Pictures to come, I'm sure.

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