Sleep

I'm tired.

No, I'm experiencing fatigue.

I'll say it: Zachari is not an easy one to put to sleep. She doesn't go down easily for naps and is even harder to put to bed at night. As I type she's upstairs crying and fighting the sleep she so desperately needs, a pretty regular occurance at our house these days.

When she turned five months old it was easily my favorite stage to that point. I felt like I finally had a little person to hang out with during the day whose precious personality was budding anew on what seemed like a daily basis. I was loving life with my ZJB! And don't get me wrong, I'm still loving life with her, I'm just loving it in more of a sleepy fog some days. She wears me out!

An infant at the five month plus stage is lots more active, demands more attention, and is in turn more exhausting than your average newborn. When I was pregnant everyone told me to take as many naps while I could pre-baby because life with a newborn meant no sleep. I was told that there would probably be many days where I felt like I was on autopilot because I was so sleep deprived and that such a feeling would be completely normal. I tried to brace myself for the very worst. Throughout my pregnancy I told myself that we'd probably have the most high maintenance newborn who was up at all hours and who ran us ragged day in and day out. I tried to convince myself (and Blinn) that we were in for a very tiresome, yet rewarding road.

As a newborn Zachari was wonderful. Sure, we had our sleepless nights and sleepy days and there were times where I couldn't remember where I'd set my much-coveted daily cup o joe because of a lack of sleep, but it wasn't bad at all. I actually remember telling several people, Blinn being one of them, that the newborn phase was relatively easy as far as sleep was concerned.

This stage of Z's life will be just that - a stage, and I know that in a few more months I'll look back on this time with a fresh set of eyes. Tonight though, I'm tired. I'm learning more about my boundaries and the physical/emotional things that take a toll on me differently than they used to. In the midst of mothering I'm also working through some serious "adult stuff" that doesn't concern my beeb at all. I know these other things are contributing to my state right now too.

****

Yup. Still screaming. I better go try and calm her down. Another thing that's fun about this stage? Blinn can't console her, she only wants me when she's sleepy. Most of the time is adorable and I eat it up, but some of the time... well, let's just say its not so adorable some of the time.