I'm at the library near King Avenue and as I walked here, Death Cab For Cutie's Transatlanticism came on. As the music swelled and I got closer to my old home, so did the emotions well up within me. I've journalled these lyrics before, but today they've got a particular heaviness and significance to them for some reason. 


... The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door 
have been silenced forevermore. 
The distance is quite simply much too far for me to row, 
it seems farther than ever before. 
Oh no... 


I remember a time when those words were completely saturated with grief, fear, anger, brokenheartedness, despair. My faith was demolished. My cynicism grew like a rampant virus. My mind was full and yet blank at the same time. Today I hear those words and I'm emotional because I'm in what seems like a healthier place with God, with life. I'm not nearly as consumed by sadness and anger as I once was, nor am I feeling as lost. Granted, I am processing a LOT and I've got lots to hash out with God, church, people who call themselves Christians, but I'm definitely in a different place. Dare I say it feels good to be here?


I haunting line from the song remains true: I do need You so much closer.