In 2007 my beloved Over the Rhine released their second Christmas album, Snow Angels, and from the first listen, I was hooked. It was a slightly melancholy set of tunes that celebrated the season in a subtle way. It wasn't all cheer and giddiness and the sweet sounds of Karin and Linford soothed my heart. Initially I was hesitant to like a Christmas album as much as I was liking that one, but I soon let that go. See, when Mom died it was like my Christmas spirit died with her. I became The Grinch: I poo-pooed on Christmas music, gifts, shopping, lights, decorations, the whole nine. I never realized how much of the holiday joy was wrapped up in my mother til she was gone. Snow Angels helped soften me just a bit and allowed me to sing songs of my own at Christmastime.
Fast forward to December 2008, less than a month after we lost Elpida. I was at Taft Theatre for OtR's annual holiday concert and I wept on and off throughout the night, especially when Karin Bergquist and Kim Taylor harmonized on the song White Horse. When I'd heard that song a few weeks earlier while still pregnant, I fantasized about singing it to my child as a winter lullaby. The haunting "Hush now baby...." lingered in my ears for hours after hearing the song and I just thought it would be a nice song to sing to a babe. I don't exactly know what the song's about: maybe Heaven, maybe loss, maybe just a song with little meaning at all, but it held a lot of meaning for me for what I hoped for. Hearing the song preformed live was too much and felt so raw. I sobbed. I longed to rock my child in that moment, to sing to him, to calm his cries, but instead I sat in an over-crowded theatre with an empty womb and a broken heart.
Fast forward to today, December 1st of a brand new year. I have a little girl bouncing beside me, a heart that is full and a womb that has brought forth healthy life. Snow is falling, candles are lit in the house, Christmas lights are on and today I'm able to sing this song to my sweet girl. Today the onset of winter doesn't seem too bad because of the small gift that I can sing wintery lullabies to my daughter to calm her tiny cries.
We'll ride him through the town
Out into the snowy woods
Where we will both lie down
Underneath white birches
Our faces to the sky
We will make snow angels
With our white horse standing by
Hush now baby
One day we're gonna ride
Hush now baby
Our white horse through the sky
Bring me a white horse for Christmas
We'll ride him through the snow
All the way to Bethlehem
2000 years ago
I wanna speak with the angel
Who said do not be afraid
I wanna kneel where the oxen knelt
Where the little child was laid
Hush now baby
One day you're gonna ride
Hush now baby
Your white horse through the sky
No bridle will he be wearing
His unshod hoofs they will fly
Keep a watch out this Christmas
For that white horse in the sky
Hush now baby
One day we're gonna ride
Hush now baby
Our white horse through the sky
Hush now baby
Let every angel sing
Hush now baby
One day we'll ride again
kelli, it's more beautiful than i can convey reading the innermost parts of your heart. i choke up often, and with no exception, i did just now. what a beautiful day it will be when you get to hold both your babes in your arms & sing this to them. after all, even us adults need lullabies.
ReplyDeletelove you.