Tuesday, January 4, 2011

A letter

I read this letter to my husband in the first moments of the new year. Tonight, after another respiratory flare-up and him taking care of Z all day so I could recover, its worth writing out again. I don't think people really get it when I go on and on about how phenomenal Matt Blinn is because the truth is, words don't do him justice. How did I end up with this man?

Sweet Boy,

In all the time that we've known each other, the years have just gotten better and better. I'd venture to say this has been our best year yet so surely only good things await us! I've been doing a lot of reflecting over the last 12 months of our beautiful life. The one and only constant through it all has been you my love. Oh, how I'm so thankful for you.

There are lots of ways I could describe you throughout the year, but some key words come to mind specifically. First and foremost, you remain my one true, good, bestest friend. You're always the one I want to hang out with, go out on the town with and unwind with. You're my favorite one to cuddle with, hug, walk or sit beside, and you're always the one I want to start and end the day with. What a great idea Fez and I had back in 2003 when we asked you to go to that concert with us. I gained an incredible friend out of the deal!

An obvious way to describe you since February is father. You've surpassed my hopes and dreams for what I wanted a husband to be like and now you're doing the same thing in the role of Papa. I'm proud of you, love and I'm so excited to watch your bond with our girl grow deeper over the years. Your longing to be a dad was built up over two pregnancies and now you're doing it! And love, what a stellar job you're doing by the way.

You have done a tremendous job at providing* for our little family. You put in long, sometimes ridiculous hours with little complaining or hesitation. Even though where you work isn't as exciting as what you do at work sometimes, you remain optimistic and light-hearted. Month after month you selflessly hand your paycheck over to the bank and watch it diminish bill after bill. You don't whine about it, you don't try hoarding the money, you probably don't even think twice about it. You just give and do it graciously and its not going unnoticed or unappreciated.

What a valiant protector you have become! Maybe fatherhood's brought it out of you, maybe its been there all along and I've missed it, but babe, you protect our sweet girl and I and you do it with strength, confidence and calm. Whether you're going out of your way to make sure ZJ doesn't harm herself or you're butting in when labor/delivery/NICU nurses try doing something you're not into, you do step up to the plate for your family and I love that. You make our old house safe and you make our home a safe place for us and for others. Thank, honey.

You're such a fantastic cheerleader. I know my breastfeeding challenges would've completely rocked me if you weren't on my side. My labor and delivery wouldn't have been as amazing and powerful if you weren't there with me. I wouldn't be as creative if you didn't encourage me. I wouldn't be making a life for our family in the ways I am now if you weren't on board and confident in my judgement and gut feelings sometimes. You cheer me on all the time, friend. I LOVE that about you.

This year, more than ever, I've had to rely on the help of others in ways I'd never imagined. You have been a most cherished caregiver with excellent bedside manner and a loving, peaceful demeanor that oughtta make even the sickest person feel well. Thank you. You held my hand as I waddled to and fro, as I breathed through another contraction, as I finally got the hang of nursing. You took so many hours from work or what you wanted to do to care for me. Its not at all easy for me to need you in the ways that I do at times, but in your sweet way, you make it okay.

I've enjoyed watching your creativity evolve the last few months. I never know what invention you'll emerge from the basement with or what your paintbrush will do to a surface, but its all great! I love the mystery, simplicity and wonder of it all. I hope you pass this (and so much more) on to our children. :)

I've also seen new depths of compassion in you. It might be for me, for Zachari, Grandma Peggy, a co-worker, or someone you've never met. I can literally see the hurt in your eyes sometimes and its truly moving. I'm fantastically blessed to have a husband as raw and tender as you. In your own ways, you're influencing my softer side too - a feat not easily tackled by just anyone!

How blessed I am that you are my one and only lover. From our wedding night on, you have handled me with a gentleness and sweetness that I didn't eve know I'd need or want. Your kisses can melt me, your hands take away the worries of the day, your body intertwined with mine forms a most stupendous puzzle - one that only you and I can create. And you're my lover beyond the sexual phase, you just love me well - all the time. You're amazing and I still don't deserve you.

You are a strong, quiet, capable leader my boy and I'm grateful for the ways you lead our family. Thank you for all the things you do to make life better - the things I notice and the things I don't. You are my rock and I truly don't know what I'd do without you. I love you so much. Got that? I love you. So much. Its been a great year. I'm looking forward to what is to come.


*I can't emphasize enough what a great job he does at providing for Zachari and me. I am humbled - nearly each week - by his determination and honor in putting food on our table, clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads. Seriously, he is fantastic.

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