Alone time

I've been up since 4:15 a.m. and no, not by choice. It was one ailment after another and my main problem with this damn asthma. Matty took Z to Brookside this morning so I could focus on breathing deep and slow breaths and just rest. Why am I on the computer? I guess I just needed to talk to someone and this was as good of an outlet as any.

Since having ZJ I can probably count the alone time I've had on two hands (meaning ten times or less). I'm not talking about a visit to the hair salon or getting pedicures with a friend, but actual alone time where its just me in a room with no one else to distract me. In the past, I've enjoyed the quiet only part of the time and then I was itching for Z to come back home because I missed her. Its such a tango, this stay-at-home-mom business. Sometimes my days and weeks seem to drag on and everything blurs together because plain and simple: my life is the life of a one year old. In the midst of those days and weeks I would probably really benefit from some me time, but rarely ask for it. Its not even that I'd need to "ask" for it, Blinn would gladly oblige if I merely said the word, but still I don't. Maybe I'm becoming more and more of a homebody so even when I'm feeling a little burnt out on life with a beeb, I still prefer to be here. Maybe I'm a little scared of what some me time could do for me. Whatever the case, I'm liking this quiet today and will try to embrace it fully.

I'm gonna go take a nice, long, hot shower with no interruptions. I'll get dressed and take as long as I want to pick out my clothes because I'm not in a hurry. I might make myself a cup of coffee since I missed that treat first thing this morning because of my breathing. I might crank the music loud and sit on the couch and do nothing except sing along and enjoy my java. Oh, and I might pull out my journal too - the old-fashioned kind to actually write in. I miss that form of expression sometimes.

So, til next time... I'm off to be with me!