Today we met with the specialist again and for the most part, the visit went wonderfully! As the date of our visit approached, I grew more curious about how LIttle One was progressing and if Dr. Amburgey would suggest weekly or twice-weekly NSTs as she'd originally thought would be necessary at the beginning of the pregnancy. Of course I was leaning towards a whopping NO in response to those inquiries, but only time would tell. And this morning... time did tell.
The thing I need to be mindful of is that Little One is alive, well, growing and looking beautiful. I'm healthy, the pregnancy is moving along well and I continue to be offered the most precious gift of all: to carry a new life to fruition and experience one of God's miracles first hand every single day.
However, there was a little bit of concern in today's scan. Baby is growing well over all, but her or his abdomen area is about eight days behind the rest of the body, for some reason. I don't fully understand how something like this can be, but apparently, it is. Because of this, the docs in the office suggest twice-weekly NSTs and in addition to the every other week biophysical scans, they'll add in another less detailed scan of the babe. Lovely. Exactly what I was hoping we could avoid, but it will be okay. I don't need to worry or stress or break down... but what's sad is I already have today.
I'm surprised (and disappointed) by how easily my faith in the Father has been shaken today. In almost an instant, the confidence and joy that I walked into the sonogram room with flew out the window at the tiniest hiccup in what I thought was the perfect plan. For months now I've been praying that Jesus would bring this child in His timing and not at the timing of doctors or Pitocin or anything else artificial. I've prayed that Little One would arrive in January and when I first began those prayers they were more like pleas. Lately though, they've felt more like speaking Truth over the child in my womb and speaking with confidence from God. So what happened today? Why did I let a doctor's change of plan sway me so easily? Why did my mind automatically shift to negative mode? Perhaps its my history of carrying babies. Perhaps its my human nature. Perhaps I'm weak. I don't know. I don't like it though and so I will continue to pray fervently throughout this day especially and seek first the Kingdom of God, not focusing on the ways of man.
Once I was home from the appointment I sent a text to Holly, Mandy and Kristina with a very brief update and a request for prayers because I was feeling so uneasy. I got encouragement and love right away which was wonderful. But it was Kristina's series of texts quoting Scripture and sharing from her heart that struck a chord and brought on the tears. Messy sobbing. For five whole minutes. And what a release! It was as though I needed to let out the tears so I could receive God's Word and His peace. I'm thankful for it.
Babe had the hiccups during the scan and we got to see him/her swallowing and sticking out their little tongue. Absolutely amazing! Hopefully the two videos below will work.
"Do not be anxious for anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, by thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds by Christ Jesus... Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent ore praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:6-8
