Cuddle Chats

Lately Zachari has really craved quality, one-on-one time with her mama. I'm learning to see it as the sweetness that it truly is, the utmost of compliments, rather than how I started to view it: neediness, inconvenient, even a little annoying. Wait. Did I really just write those words? I am so selfish. My precious daughter, the one we call Baby Girl, she loves me. She misses me even when we're sitting across the table from each other. She likes me. And who am I to deny her some quality time away from the boys and distractions and the mess of a house? Its a GIFT that she wants to be near me. I am thankful. 

Matt's putting her to bed now, they're reading something from The Jesus Storybook Bible and they've been reading it every night since her birthday. She requests it each day and sometimes she wants to read something with me during the day before her bedtime routine with Papa. It amazing how much she's learning through the stories and just soaking it all up. Amazing!

Before bed though, she asked if we could snuggle. I stopped the to-do list in my mind and said yes. And man, am I glad I did! This is the fourth time we've had some time together like this in the last month or two. Its usually after a bath and always after jammies are on and Jon's in bed and there's no boys allowed! - her strict rule, not mine. We get under the covers in my room, turn the lights down and hold hands while we look at each other and talk. The first time we did this we talked about her body - the ins and outs of it, how God made her body to look just so, how she's perfect the way she is. We talked about her beauty - inside and out and together we dreamed of what sorts of things she might be into as she gets a little older. Will she like sports or maybe dance and the creative arts? Will she learn to like to get messy outdoors because of her little brother? Will she learn to ride a bike soon? As we laid there in the stillness of the evening light I saw her grow up right before my very eyes. There won't always be these precious moments with her. Soak it up, Kelli. Soak. It. Up.

The second and third snuggly times we were less serious, much more silly. We imagined silly toothpaste flavors like peanut butter and apple (for Papa, of course) or spinach and kale bites (for Brother, of course). I enjoyed hearing her come up with what were utterly disgusting combos and ones that might actually sell in a store. We also listed off all the things she could do when she gets bigger. A singer, a painter, a teacher, a mama, an astronaut, a chef, "someone who works at AB6 News, like Papa!". I reminded her that she can do anything, be anything, accomplish anything! We referenced the talk about how God made her perfectly and that her brain was so smart, so lovely, so miraculous. Those were fun evenings. 

Tonight we gave our girls-only moments a name: Cuddle Chats. We're official now. We discussed life when I was a little girl which turned into lots of specific questions about Grandma Jane and what she was like. Our time was great and I didn't get too sad, but there was a part of me that grieved the loss of Mom for my baby girl. She misses her, but the two of them never met. There are moments when its as though Mom is reincarnated through Z's facial expressions or 'tude she tosses around. Zachari is so curious about a grandma she'll never know, a mother-daughter relationship between me and her that she'll never witness and a chance to bond that's been stolen from her. It is what it is. Its okay, but for a brief moment tonight it really hit me that Mom is truly missing out and that Zachari is more and more like her all the time.